Showing posts with label twenty somethings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twenty somethings. Show all posts
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Blog! YaY!
Happy New Year everyone!!! My blog has moved to www.katiehoffmanblog.blogspot.com! Please come check it out! You will find these same post with some new links thrown in and a lot of awesome stuff in the months to come! Make sure to follow me on blogspot and become a fan of my page on facebook so you stay updated on all the new stuff happening on the blog. Thank you! :)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Catch Me... If You Can
Ladies,
There is an epidemic that is sweeping our nation, and something must be done. Through a process of self examination, I realize that I too, have been infected by this epidemic but I will do what it takes to to rid myself of this harmful infection. So what infection am I talking about? Compromise. All over the nation, women are compromising something about themselves in order to get into relationships that are not what they deserve or need. This infection originates from the need to be needed. I have noticed these tenancies in my life and in the lives of others; we have all seen it. Girls, we have SO much going for us! We are smart, ambitious, passionate, driven and we know what we want. However, when it comes to men, Are these the kind of men we are dating?Not always. Although there are many exceptions, I see far to many remarkable women (myself included) trying to be "fixers". These women don't date the guys that know who they are, what they want and have a plan of making it happen. We don't swoon over the confident, self-assured guys with drive and direction. We're not interested in the guys who WANT US, hands down, no questions asked! We fall head over heels for the guys who have no clue what the want, and if they do, it's all talk! We go after the guys that wouldn't go after what they wanted if it physically stood two feet in front of them! We pick the guys who need to be inspired, the ones who need direction. We spend hours crying over guys who can't decide if they want to be with us or not, the non-commiters. Forget the guy who actually calls when he says he will, we pick the genius who "looses our number"... twice!! We pass up the well planned dinner offer for the off chance that MAYBE the other guy will ask us to "hang out". We choose the guys who cancel on us because they are tired, don't have the gas or are too busy. We are attracted to men who NEED us to inspire them, and give them direction...
Now, this is not their fault, they are just living their lives, who are we to judge? We can't say what's right for them. We, my dears, are the ones pouring ourselves into these guys, hoping that by inspiring and changing them, they will admire us. Perhaps, we need that because we don't really admire ourselves. Now the problem with this does not lie in the act of giving someone inspiration and direction, those are wonderful things! The problem arises when the "fixer" is not able to make permanent changes in the "project". When the project leaves, he may be better off because of what the fixer has done, but the fixer is left alone, and far emptier than before because the thing she needed to validate her didn't work in the way she subconsciously expected; she is left feeling as though she did something wrong, like she is not good enough. When I see this happening, in my life and in others it breaks my heart, because I KNOW we deserve better than we are allowing. There are a number of reasons why women participate in this dangerous game, but the one I want to bring to attention is fear. Marianne Willaimson said, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." So I want us to take a second and imagine what it might look like to live without that fear. What if, instead of focusing all of our energy on men who aren't ready to grow or don't want to grow, we focused on ourselves? What if we stopped looking for someone to direct and inspire, and became directed and inspired? If we could stop looking to someone else to love us before we loved ourselves, could we actually love MORE? What would it be like if we didn't NEED someone to validate, admire or respect us, because we felt validated, admired and respected on our own?? If we got completely, painfully honest with ourselves, are we going after the life we have dreamed about? What if we refused to compromise our convictions, water down our dreams or lower are standards? How would that feel? If we stopped being afraid, and got out of our own way, what would we be capable of?? We could change the world! We would be unstoppable! How would it feel to be with guys that knew they wanted us, and did what it took to get us?? What would it be like if instead of slowing ourselves down so these guys could catch us, we ran faster, and harder in the direction of OUR DREAMS?? Imagine having a man who admired you not because you complete him, but because you are so complete on your own! If we stepped up to our full potential ON EVERY LEVEL, would there be a man to step beside us? I am FULLY convinced there would! But it must start with us! We have to stop compromising who we are on any level because we are afraid of being alone, we must embrace the beautiful, talented, brilliant women that we are and continue to grow in love and in life. We must run fast towards our dreams, because no one will make them happen for us.
I certainly hope I am not alone in this, but I can only speak for myself. I'm through holding myself back for anyone or anything, including myself. I'm tired of making compromises just because it's easier to give in than to stand up for what I deserve. I'm running as fast as I can towards my dreams and will make them happen! And to all the guys out there, who may want me, then CATCH ME... if you can.
Amour*
Katie
Disclaimer: Guys, I realize this role is often reversed and you all get the short end of the stick... I know a lot of you do not fall into the categories I described. So please know I am not saying ALL GUYS ARE JERKS and I am most certainly not letting all girl's off the hook, we can really suck too. :)
There is an epidemic that is sweeping our nation, and something must be done. Through a process of self examination, I realize that I too, have been infected by this epidemic but I will do what it takes to to rid myself of this harmful infection. So what infection am I talking about? Compromise. All over the nation, women are compromising something about themselves in order to get into relationships that are not what they deserve or need. This infection originates from the need to be needed. I have noticed these tenancies in my life and in the lives of others; we have all seen it. Girls, we have SO much going for us! We are smart, ambitious, passionate, driven and we know what we want. However, when it comes to men, Are these the kind of men we are dating?Not always. Although there are many exceptions, I see far to many remarkable women (myself included) trying to be "fixers". These women don't date the guys that know who they are, what they want and have a plan of making it happen. We don't swoon over the confident, self-assured guys with drive and direction. We're not interested in the guys who WANT US, hands down, no questions asked! We fall head over heels for the guys who have no clue what the want, and if they do, it's all talk! We go after the guys that wouldn't go after what they wanted if it physically stood two feet in front of them! We pick the guys who need to be inspired, the ones who need direction. We spend hours crying over guys who can't decide if they want to be with us or not, the non-commiters. Forget the guy who actually calls when he says he will, we pick the genius who "looses our number"... twice!! We pass up the well planned dinner offer for the off chance that MAYBE the other guy will ask us to "hang out". We choose the guys who cancel on us because they are tired, don't have the gas or are too busy. We are attracted to men who NEED us to inspire them, and give them direction...
Now, this is not their fault, they are just living their lives, who are we to judge? We can't say what's right for them. We, my dears, are the ones pouring ourselves into these guys, hoping that by inspiring and changing them, they will admire us. Perhaps, we need that because we don't really admire ourselves. Now the problem with this does not lie in the act of giving someone inspiration and direction, those are wonderful things! The problem arises when the "fixer" is not able to make permanent changes in the "project". When the project leaves, he may be better off because of what the fixer has done, but the fixer is left alone, and far emptier than before because the thing she needed to validate her didn't work in the way she subconsciously expected; she is left feeling as though she did something wrong, like she is not good enough. When I see this happening, in my life and in others it breaks my heart, because I KNOW we deserve better than we are allowing. There are a number of reasons why women participate in this dangerous game, but the one I want to bring to attention is fear. Marianne Willaimson said, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." So I want us to take a second and imagine what it might look like to live without that fear. What if, instead of focusing all of our energy on men who aren't ready to grow or don't want to grow, we focused on ourselves? What if we stopped looking for someone to direct and inspire, and became directed and inspired? If we could stop looking to someone else to love us before we loved ourselves, could we actually love MORE? What would it be like if we didn't NEED someone to validate, admire or respect us, because we felt validated, admired and respected on our own?? If we got completely, painfully honest with ourselves, are we going after the life we have dreamed about? What if we refused to compromise our convictions, water down our dreams or lower are standards? How would that feel? If we stopped being afraid, and got out of our own way, what would we be capable of?? We could change the world! We would be unstoppable! How would it feel to be with guys that knew they wanted us, and did what it took to get us?? What would it be like if instead of slowing ourselves down so these guys could catch us, we ran faster, and harder in the direction of OUR DREAMS?? Imagine having a man who admired you not because you complete him, but because you are so complete on your own! If we stepped up to our full potential ON EVERY LEVEL, would there be a man to step beside us? I am FULLY convinced there would! But it must start with us! We have to stop compromising who we are on any level because we are afraid of being alone, we must embrace the beautiful, talented, brilliant women that we are and continue to grow in love and in life. We must run fast towards our dreams, because no one will make them happen for us.
I certainly hope I am not alone in this, but I can only speak for myself. I'm through holding myself back for anyone or anything, including myself. I'm tired of making compromises just because it's easier to give in than to stand up for what I deserve. I'm running as fast as I can towards my dreams and will make them happen! And to all the guys out there, who may want me, then CATCH ME... if you can.
Amour*
Katie
Disclaimer: Guys, I realize this role is often reversed and you all get the short end of the stick... I know a lot of you do not fall into the categories I described. So please know I am not saying ALL GUYS ARE JERKS and I am most certainly not letting all girl's off the hook, we can really suck too. :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You Get What You Need
"You can't always get what you want... but you get what you need".
-Rolling Stones
With Thanksgiving less than a week a way, I felt it would be appropriate to talk a little bit what I'm thankful for this year. Every year, I do my best to make note of all the blessings: my family, my health, my amazing friends and the opportunities I have just because I am alive and living here in the USA! While I am certainly still thankful for all of these things, today I want to talk about one thing I am grateful for this year, that I didn't really see coming: lessons.
We are all familiar with lessons. Ya know, those pesky, often painful things that are sometimes necessary for us to progress in life; growing pains. When I look back over my year, I see a lot of effort to make things happen, and in most cases... failure. Initially, when I look at these situations that have not turned out the way I wanted, I am tempted to think, "Is the universe playing some cruel joke on me, conspiring against me so I am incapable of getting what I want!??!" But after the initial injury to my pride wears off and I can look back on these situations, my vision is 20/20. Perhaps a different outcome may have been what I wanted... but it's not what I NEEDED. I got exactly what I needed. That's the thing about growth, it isn't always enjoyable and let's be honest, at times, it really sucks, because it is HARD! I'm convinced that I would rather sit through an extra semester of math than have to put up with pain and confusion that accompanies these "growing-pains". But I realize, if I ever hope to become what Abraham Maslow refers to as "self-actualized", living up to my full potential, I must learn to look past what I want and appreciate the fact that I am getting what I need.
For example: This summer I went to the East coast, NYC and New Jersey to be precise. I went out there with the intention and expectation of relocating in the fall. I didn't have a lot of money and I didn't know very many people but I just KNEW I wanted to be there and that God was going to help me make my dream of living in NYC a reality. Long story short, I did not move to NYC. Towards the end of the summer, when I realized there was not going to be a miracle that somehow allowed me to move and start school in Manhattan. I was CRUSHED... literally, devastated. I didn't get it, I wanted to be there SO SO bad. I was willing to find a job and live in a tiny apartment with a couple of roommates, and maybe even a few bugs just so I could be there!! Why didn't God not back me up?? Why did I not get what I had set my heart on... Well after coming back to Oklahoma, going back to school here and getting back into the swing of the landlocked life, it hit me. THIS is what I NEEDED. At this point in my life, I didn't need a supernatural miracle that was going to help me start my life thousands of miles away, I needed a lesson! I needed to learn how to set a goal and work diligently until it became attainable. I needed to learn patience. When I first had this revelation, it humbled me. There I was, throwing a hissy-fit because I felt like God had "failed" me, kicked me to the curb, left me in the dust [insert other feeling sorry for myself analogies]; when in reality, he provided me with something far better than NYC ever could... growth.
Sometimes I think about what would have happened if it would have worked out and moved in September like I hoped to. Well I don't know what life there would be like, but I do know what I would have missed out on here: I would not have another semester of school under my belt, I wouldn't have the adorable affordable apartment I have now, I may never have met the life changing people I have met since I've gotten back and of course, I never would have learned the OTHER lessons that I have learned this fall! By being where I am now, I have had the chance to discover more of what I'm passionate about and more about who I am. Could that have happened in NYC, maybe, but there is no guarantee. If things wouldn't have happened the way they did, it is quite possible that I would have missed out on not only those things,but more... When I reflect on what I have learned, I am convinced that there is something out there that not only knows what we want, but what we NEED in order to ultimately get what we truly desire. There is a constant battle going on between our ego's and our higher self. The ego says things like, "I want this RIGHT NOW because... well I WANT IT!" Our higher self is able to say, "Right now, I NEED this because this is a lesson I have to learn in order to become the person I ultimately want to be and in the long run get what I really desire". It shows growth, to be able to look at the bigger picture and choose what you need, even if it contradicts what your ego may want.
The events that keep happening throughout this year are teaching me to trust that even when I don't think it is working out, I am getting exactly what I need...
The interesting thing about getting what we need is that it allows us to grow, learn, and become...and in the end... get what we truly want. And for that I am so, so thankful.
What are you thankful for?
*Amour
Katie
-Rolling Stones
With Thanksgiving less than a week a way, I felt it would be appropriate to talk a little bit what I'm thankful for this year. Every year, I do my best to make note of all the blessings: my family, my health, my amazing friends and the opportunities I have just because I am alive and living here in the USA! While I am certainly still thankful for all of these things, today I want to talk about one thing I am grateful for this year, that I didn't really see coming: lessons.
We are all familiar with lessons. Ya know, those pesky, often painful things that are sometimes necessary for us to progress in life; growing pains. When I look back over my year, I see a lot of effort to make things happen, and in most cases... failure. Initially, when I look at these situations that have not turned out the way I wanted, I am tempted to think, "Is the universe playing some cruel joke on me, conspiring against me so I am incapable of getting what I want!??!" But after the initial injury to my pride wears off and I can look back on these situations, my vision is 20/20. Perhaps a different outcome may have been what I wanted... but it's not what I NEEDED. I got exactly what I needed. That's the thing about growth, it isn't always enjoyable and let's be honest, at times, it really sucks, because it is HARD! I'm convinced that I would rather sit through an extra semester of math than have to put up with pain and confusion that accompanies these "growing-pains". But I realize, if I ever hope to become what Abraham Maslow refers to as "self-actualized", living up to my full potential, I must learn to look past what I want and appreciate the fact that I am getting what I need.
For example: This summer I went to the East coast, NYC and New Jersey to be precise. I went out there with the intention and expectation of relocating in the fall. I didn't have a lot of money and I didn't know very many people but I just KNEW I wanted to be there and that God was going to help me make my dream of living in NYC a reality. Long story short, I did not move to NYC. Towards the end of the summer, when I realized there was not going to be a miracle that somehow allowed me to move and start school in Manhattan. I was CRUSHED... literally, devastated. I didn't get it, I wanted to be there SO SO bad. I was willing to find a job and live in a tiny apartment with a couple of roommates, and maybe even a few bugs just so I could be there!! Why didn't God not back me up?? Why did I not get what I had set my heart on... Well after coming back to Oklahoma, going back to school here and getting back into the swing of the landlocked life, it hit me. THIS is what I NEEDED. At this point in my life, I didn't need a supernatural miracle that was going to help me start my life thousands of miles away, I needed a lesson! I needed to learn how to set a goal and work diligently until it became attainable. I needed to learn patience. When I first had this revelation, it humbled me. There I was, throwing a hissy-fit because I felt like God had "failed" me, kicked me to the curb, left me in the dust [insert other feeling sorry for myself analogies]; when in reality, he provided me with something far better than NYC ever could... growth.
Sometimes I think about what would have happened if it would have worked out and moved in September like I hoped to. Well I don't know what life there would be like, but I do know what I would have missed out on here: I would not have another semester of school under my belt, I wouldn't have the adorable affordable apartment I have now, I may never have met the life changing people I have met since I've gotten back and of course, I never would have learned the OTHER lessons that I have learned this fall! By being where I am now, I have had the chance to discover more of what I'm passionate about and more about who I am. Could that have happened in NYC, maybe, but there is no guarantee. If things wouldn't have happened the way they did, it is quite possible that I would have missed out on not only those things,but more... When I reflect on what I have learned, I am convinced that there is something out there that not only knows what we want, but what we NEED in order to ultimately get what we truly desire. There is a constant battle going on between our ego's and our higher self. The ego says things like, "I want this RIGHT NOW because... well I WANT IT!" Our higher self is able to say, "Right now, I NEED this because this is a lesson I have to learn in order to become the person I ultimately want to be and in the long run get what I really desire". It shows growth, to be able to look at the bigger picture and choose what you need, even if it contradicts what your ego may want.
The events that keep happening throughout this year are teaching me to trust that even when I don't think it is working out, I am getting exactly what I need...
The interesting thing about getting what we need is that it allows us to grow, learn, and become...and in the end... get what we truly want. And for that I am so, so thankful.
What are you thankful for?
*Amour
Katie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)