Slow and Steady Wins the Race (Unless you're being chased by sharks)

I think it's interesting that in my last post I wrote, nearly two months ago, I wrote about the importance of change and the diligence true change requires. Today, I am going to be writing about another of my personal headaches... patience. This idea that "patience is a virtue" can be found all over the surface of philosophy. From the biblical passages in proverbs to Aesop's classic tale of the tortoise and the hare, we see that patience is esteemed as a highly valuable trait of humanity. Unfortunately, patience has never been a trait that comes naturally to me. I really admire my friends that are able to "go with the flow" and let things somewhat unfold. However, I've always had this belief that if I don't DO something RIGHT NOW, the situation at hand will NEVER work out. I have applied this belief in several areas of my life, but the one I want to bring up in this post is Romantic Relationships. Does anyone else sense the lack of patience existing in modern romance? Am I the only one who feels like from the minute we graduate high school, the search is on to find "the one", that soul mate, or in many cases, the next "fill-in the blank" relationship, like we are all competing on some crappy reality TV show? (Christine Hassler describes Fill-in the blank relationships as the ones we get into because we are bored, lonely etc.) For awhile now, I have been a contestant on this reality show leading to happily-never-after. I have met guys and rushed into things in every way possible, believing that if it's gonna happen, it needs to happen now and I need to make it happen. Well my friends, I do believe it's time for me to chill out and take a giant serving of patience. After a series of connect the dot moments, I started to finally realize that this habit of rushing is not getting me the result I want (novel idea right! HA). As I begin this process of practicing patience in all areas of life, I would like to point one reason I personally believe developing patience is so difficult:
Patience requires us to temporarily be in a state of not knowing- As human beings, we all have this intrinsic desire to know how, why, what, when and where. The tricky thing about patience is that it does not provide us with these answers... yet. So when we choose to be patient, we must also choose to learn how to sit in this somewhat uncomfortable state. For citizens of a society that is so fast-paced and outcome oriented, learning to adopt the tortoise mentality can be more difficult than sprinting in five inch heels! But if we can learn to incorporate this quality into our daily lives, than the end result will be well worth it. Patience in romantic relationships gives us:
1. Time- Patience gives us to time look at the relationship, person and situation from a a balanced perspective. It gives us time to truly examine our motives. When we begin to "fall-in-love" our body naturally releases a chemical that is similar to the make up of amphetamine! So when we feel high on love, that is an accurate statement! This chemical is released for a period ranging from one week, to one year. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING more amazing than experiencing a love high. The butterflies and giddy smiles can not be replaced by any man made substance! However, if we get so carried away by the butterflies that we forget to look a bit deeper, we could end up going into a relationship with rose-colored lenses. When we rush into things, we increase the risk of making a purely emotional decision; but patience allows us to not only ENJOY THE BUTTERFLIES, but to balance them with true adult logic. The balance of these two things is the only way to lasting romance.
2. Trust- Patience requires that we learn to trust ourselves, our potential mates and God. When we disregard patience we, deprive ourselves of important lessons in trust. It is easy to trust when something is right before our eyes and we have the control, but the real test is being able to let go of the outcome and STILL finding the assurance that the outcome is already taken care of.
I'm not saying that patience is not the golden ticket to happily-ever-after. But I do believe that if we can begin slow down, live in every moment and trust that the outcome is already beautifully written, than perhaps we can stop worrying about what's next and where we're going and finally enjoy the butterflies.

Amour*
Katie

Welcome to the 20's

The past month, make that year, my life has been total chaos. I have been an emotional roller coaster. One day, I'm so excited about where my life is headed and I can't wait to get started in that direction! Someone could hit me with almost anything and I would look on the bright side thinking, "I'm only 21, I have my whole life ahead of me!" Then, the next day, I'm in tears, scared out of my mind, and thinking, "I'm 21, my whole life is over!" The scariest part about it is, when I try to rationalize whats causing the water works, I can't, because in reality, nothing is terribly wrong, but at the same time nothing seems quite right either! For the sake of my sanity, please tell me I'm not alone in this!!!?
From the day we are allowed to watch PG-13 movies, we witness the drama and chaos of adolescence. We see the super sexy quarter back choose the vindictive cheerleader over the shy and sweet book worm and many variations of this teenage nightmare. Then when we get there ourselves we experience what it's like to have our first kiss, our first heart ache and our first indestructible pimple! Pop culture constantly makes light of middle aged adults experiencing their mid-life crisis. My favorite example of this is when Tom Scavo (on Desperate Housewives), enrolls himself in the local University as a Chinese literature major and refers to himself as "T-Scov" for an entire episode! Pop culture loves attempting to guide us through these stages of life, and while that's just great, my question is this: why was I never warned about the stage that comes in between these two extremes... the 20 something years?
The 20-something years are filled with first: first mortgage, first car payment, first adult relationship and first real career. These are all things many of us grew up wanting and even expecting. However, for some reason, now that it's here. It may not feel entirely right either. I have several 20-something friends that have worked hard to get their degrees and establish their careers and now that they have it, the only thing they are asking is, "Now what?". Then there are people like myself who still haven't got it figured out, but I'm very convinced that by the age of 21 I should know where I'm going, I should know my passions and I definitely should have at least published a book! Our twenties are filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I wonder if there will ever be a time in our lives when so much intense excitement meets so much confusion and anxiety. It is as if our 20-something lives are being viewed through some crazy fun house mirror; nothing is as it seems, everything is magnified and distorted. Through this perception, mountains are made from mole hills, lust is mistaken for love and heart aches feel like terminal heart breaks. Personally, my 20's so far have hinged around the one question that is a lot harder to answer than I every expected, Who am I? I don't try to focus on it, it just seems like every situation that presents itself is just the relentless Who am I in disguise. After several attempts to "find myself", I still end up doing and saying things that don't quite seem like me. At first this frustrated me, but after awhile, I began to learn that although I'm still in the process of creating my identity, through the process of elimination, I am at least able to identify who I am NOT. Perhaps life as a 20-something is just a process of trial and error. We are given a journey and a means of transportation. At times, its easier to pull over and stop instead of travel forward into the unknown. It seems safer to sit on the side of the road with our hazard lights on until we figure out precisely how we are going to get to where we want to be. The only draw back with that concept is that life can never consist of a smoothly paved road and an error proof map! It's full of twist and turns and if you live in Oklahoma, certainly a lot of pot-holes! With that being said, maybe the most effective road sign to follow is: Proceed with Caution-the operative word being proceed. We can cautiously guard our hearts and slowly adapt to adulthood, it's ok to have our fear and our uncertainties but it is imperative that we continue to move forward. Just like on any road trip, a parked car goes no where. Our journey through life as a 20-something is no different.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself."
Amour*Katie

PS: Luckily, we are not alone on our journey to "adult-hood". Here a couple of sources that make the ride a little smoother:
1. Twenty Something, Twenty Everything by Christine Hassler is a must read for all twenty something women Her second book Twenty Something Manifesto is a great read for twenty something men and women.
2. It's a Wonderful Lie is a collection of essays written by established writers who have successful navigated through there 20 somethings. (If you feel alone and perhaps slightly crazy, this book will help!)
3. Last One Down the Aisle Wins by Celeste Fox and Shannon Liversidge helps young women realize all the things single life in our twenties is good for.