What Do I Want?

Two weeks ago today, someone asked me a very important question. Do you know who you are? Instead of blurting out the most obvious answer, yes, I really thought about what he had asked me. Do I really know who I am? After a lot of thought, I realized I do not.That answer really bothers me! This realization has forced me to action. Lately, my mind has been consistently occupied with the questions, "Who am I and what do I want?". Not what do I want in the selfish sense but in the sense that allows us to discover what impact we want to make on this world while we are here. To be quite honest, I don't really like who I am right now. I've lost myself in the clutter. Like I mentioned in my post Spring Cleaning, I've been so busy trying to stay in this race society has created that I'm neglecting the fact that I'm dehydrated, injured and in need of a pit stop! It sucks! I'm not gonna do it anymore.
So back to the question, Who am I? By now, I have made it clear that I don't really know, but what I do know about who I am, I don't really like. Major bummer. BUT there is a silver lining!! I firmly believe life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself. Example: let's say one day, I wake up and decide, I want to be a cow girl. I could take my high heel wearing, girlie-girl self to drysdales and purchase my first official pair of boots. I could then tell my roomie that I'm through with the city life and trade in my mid-town efficiency for a job and room on a two-hundred acre ranch fifteen miles out of town. I could learn how to herd cattle, farm crops and wake up as early as necessary. I could totally change my current semi-city girl lifestyle to the lifestyle of a true cow girl. At first, this change would feel totally unnatural, but after awhile, with diligent application, I'd be a cowgirl! The moral of the story is we can be whoever we DECIDE to be. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds, because when you literally have the world at your finger tips, where do you start? (I don't say "the world at your finger tips" in exageration, I really believe most of us have way more freedom than we even realize, it's just a matter of whether or not we are willing to make the sacrifices necassary to harness it.) All of these questions can only be answered through a process of elimination and self examination. If you're anything like me, you're not gonna wake up and think, "I wanna be a cowgirl". You're probably going to experiance many realizations of what you DON'T want before you ever begin to dream of what you DO want. I wish I could sum this post up by saying this is who I have decided to be, this is what I want to do and this is how I'm going to get there, but I still don't know. So I thought I would share a few things that are helping me get a bit closer, in the words of people who have been there done that:

"...Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr.Seuss

I wouldn't go as far as to say, those who mind just don't matter, but I certainly think he's onto something! If we hope to make a personal impact on our world than we must be true to our personalized path. We have to get it out of our heads that we always have to play by the rules. We can't buy into the notion that the road to significance is a one-way street. For some, that path may consist of a more traditional route and that's awesome, but if that's not your path, don't sweat it. We pave our own paths, and the sooner we realize that, the better off we'll be.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw

I used this one earlier because I LOVE it and believe it. I'm personally trying to stop thinking I need to "find" myself, as if I'm a pair of lost keys or something. Start where you are, decide what you want to be and go be it!

"Your bliss can't find you if you're to busy doing something else." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

The search for fullfillment and significance is one that is shared by most if not all humans. So many people go through life doing and being things they aren't passionate about, things that aren't their bliss. You may not know your passion (your bliss) just yet, but this is where simplifying comes into play. If you're so busy doing stuff that obviously isn't it, you might just miss it. So as much as possible, try cutting things out of your life that keep you from finding and doing what really makes you glad to be here, whether it's too much alcohol or a lame job that just doesn't fulfill you anymore.

Just some things I'm trying. I hope you'll join me. As far as who I want to be... I'll keep ya posted. :)

Amour*
Katie