New Blog Coming Soon!!

Hi everyone!
So sorry I haven't written in a couple of weeks. I have been working on my new blog, which will be ready to go January 1, 2011! On that blog you will find updated versions of these post, and a ton of new suprises just for the new blog and 2011. If there is anything specific you all would like to hear more about, (seriously, sky's the limit) please let me know! Is there anyone you would like me to interview? Books I should review? Fashion that should be checked out? Anything! (Except, monster trucks, I don't like them) Please let me know and I'll see what I can do. Seriously guys, it's going to be great! Keep checking back and I'll be sure to keep you all updated! :)

Amour*
Katie

Catch Me... If You Can

Ladies,
There is an epidemic that is sweeping our nation, and something must be done. Through a process of self examination, I realize that I too, have been infected by this epidemic but I will do what it takes to to rid myself of this harmful infection. So what infection am I talking about? Compromise. All over the nation, women are compromising something about themselves in order to get into relationships that are not what they deserve or need. This infection originates from the need to be needed. I have noticed these tenancies in my life and in the lives of others; we have all seen it. Girls, we have SO much going for us! We are smart, ambitious, passionate, driven and we know what we want. However, when it comes to men, Are these the kind of men we are dating?Not always. Although there are many exceptions, I see far to many remarkable women (myself included) trying to be "fixers". These women don't date the guys that know who they are, what they want and have a plan of making it happen. We don't swoon over the confident, self-assured guys with drive and direction. We're not interested in the guys who WANT US, hands down, no questions asked! We fall head over heels for the guys who have no clue what the want, and if they do, it's all talk! We go after the guys that wouldn't go after what they wanted if it physically stood two feet in front of them! We pick the guys who need to be inspired, the ones who need direction. We spend hours crying over guys who can't decide if they want to be with us or not, the non-commiters. Forget the guy who actually calls when he says he will, we pick the genius who "looses our number"... twice!! We pass up the well planned dinner offer for the off chance that MAYBE the other guy will ask us to "hang out". We choose the guys who cancel on us because they are tired, don't have the gas or are too busy. We are attracted to men who NEED us to inspire them, and give them direction...
Now, this is not their fault, they are just living their lives, who are we to judge? We can't say what's right for them. We, my dears, are the ones pouring ourselves into these guys, hoping that by inspiring and changing them, they will admire us. Perhaps, we need that because we don't really admire ourselves. Now the problem with this does not lie in the act of giving someone inspiration and direction, those are wonderful things! The problem arises when the "fixer" is not able to make permanent changes in the "project". When the project leaves, he may be better off because of what the fixer has done, but the fixer is left alone, and far emptier than before because the thing she needed to validate her didn't work in the way she subconsciously expected; she is left feeling as though she did something wrong, like she is not good enough. When I see this happening, in my life and in others it breaks my heart, because I KNOW we deserve better than we are allowing. There are a number of reasons why women participate in this dangerous game, but the one I want to bring to attention is fear. Marianne Willaimson said, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." So I want us to take a second and imagine what it might look like to live without that fear. What if, instead of focusing all of our energy on men who aren't ready to grow or don't want to grow, we focused on ourselves? What if we stopped looking for someone to direct and inspire, and became directed and inspired? If we could stop looking to someone else to love us before we loved ourselves, could we actually love MORE? What would it be like if we didn't NEED someone to validate, admire or respect us, because we felt validated, admired and respected on our own?? If we got completely, painfully honest with ourselves, are we going after the life we have dreamed about? What if we refused to compromise our convictions, water down our dreams or lower are standards? How would that feel? If we stopped being afraid, and got out of our own way, what would we be capable of?? We could change the world! We would be unstoppable! How would it feel to be with guys that knew they wanted us, and did what it took to get us?? What would it be like if instead of slowing ourselves down so these guys could catch us, we ran faster, and harder in the direction of OUR DREAMS?? Imagine having a man who admired you not because you complete him, but because you are so complete on your own! If we stepped up to our full potential ON EVERY LEVEL, would there be a man to step beside us? I am FULLY convinced there would! But it must start with us! We have to stop compromising who we are on any level because we are afraid of being alone, we must embrace the beautiful, talented, brilliant women that we are and continue to grow in love and in life. We must run fast towards our dreams, because no one will make them happen for us.
I certainly hope I am not alone in this, but I can only speak for myself. I'm through holding myself back for anyone or anything, including myself. I'm tired of making compromises just because it's easier to give in than to stand up for what I deserve. I'm running as fast as I can towards my dreams and will make them happen! And to all the guys out there, who may want me, then CATCH ME... if you can.

Amour*
Katie

Disclaimer: Guys, I realize this role is often reversed and you all get the short end of the stick... I know a lot of you do not fall into the categories I described. So please know I am not saying ALL GUYS ARE JERKS and I am most certainly not letting all girl's off the hook, we can really suck too. :)

You Get What You Need

"You can't always get what you want... but you get what you need".
-Rolling Stones

With Thanksgiving less than a week a way, I felt it would be appropriate to talk a little bit what I'm thankful for this year. Every year, I do my best to make note of all the blessings: my family, my health, my amazing friends and the opportunities I have just because I am alive and living here in the USA! While I am certainly still thankful for all of these things, today I want to talk about one thing I am grateful for this year, that I didn't really see coming: lessons.
We are all familiar with lessons. Ya know, those pesky, often painful things that are sometimes necessary for us to progress in life; growing pains. When I look back over my year, I see a lot of effort to make things happen, and in most cases... failure. Initially, when I look at these situations that have not turned out the way I wanted, I am tempted to think, "Is the universe playing some cruel joke on me, conspiring against me so I am incapable of getting what I want!??!" But after the initial injury to my pride wears off and I can look back on these situations, my vision is 20/20. Perhaps a different outcome may have been what I wanted... but it's not what I NEEDED. I got exactly what I needed. That's the thing about growth, it isn't always enjoyable and let's be honest, at times, it really sucks, because it is HARD! I'm convinced that I would rather sit through an extra semester of math than have to put up with pain and confusion that accompanies these "growing-pains". But I realize, if I ever hope to become what Abraham Maslow refers to as "self-actualized", living up to my full potential, I must learn to look past what I want and appreciate the fact that I am getting what I need.
For example: This summer I went to the East coast, NYC and New Jersey to be precise. I went out there with the intention and expectation of relocating in the fall. I didn't have a lot of money and I didn't know very many people but I just KNEW I wanted to be there and that God was going to help me make my dream of living in NYC a reality. Long story short, I did not move to NYC. Towards the end of the summer, when I realized there was not going to be a miracle that somehow allowed me to move and start school in Manhattan. I was CRUSHED... literally, devastated. I didn't get it, I wanted to be there SO SO bad. I was willing to find a job and live in a tiny apartment with a couple of roommates, and maybe even a few bugs just so I could be there!! Why didn't God not back me up?? Why did I not get what I had set my heart on... Well after coming back to Oklahoma, going back to school here and getting back into the swing of the landlocked life, it hit me. THIS is what I NEEDED. At this point in my life, I didn't need a supernatural miracle that was going to help me start my life thousands of miles away, I needed a lesson! I needed to learn how to set a goal and work diligently until it became attainable. I needed to learn patience. When I first had this revelation, it humbled me. There I was, throwing a hissy-fit because I felt like God had "failed" me, kicked me to the curb, left me in the dust [insert other feeling sorry for myself analogies]; when in reality, he provided me with something far better than NYC ever could... growth.
Sometimes I think about what would have happened if it would have worked out and moved in September like I hoped to. Well I don't know what life there would be like, but I do know what I would have missed out on here: I would not have another semester of school under my belt, I wouldn't have the adorable affordable apartment I have now, I may never have met the life changing people I have met since I've gotten back and of course, I never would have learned the OTHER lessons that I have learned this fall! By being where I am now, I have had the chance to discover more of what I'm passionate about and more about who I am. Could that have happened in NYC, maybe, but there is no guarantee. If things wouldn't have happened the way they did, it is quite possible that I would have missed out on not only those things,but more... When I reflect on what I have learned, I am convinced that there is something out there that not only knows what we want, but what we NEED in order to ultimately get what we truly desire. There is a constant battle going on between our ego's and our higher self. The ego says things like, "I want this RIGHT NOW because... well I WANT IT!" Our higher self is able to say, "Right now, I NEED this because this is a lesson I have to learn in order to become the person I ultimately want to be and in the long run get what I really desire". It shows growth, to be able to look at the bigger picture and choose what you need, even if it contradicts what your ego may want.
The events that keep happening throughout this year are teaching me to trust that even when I don't think it is working out, I am getting exactly what I need...

The interesting thing about getting what we need is that it allows us to grow, learn, and become...and in the end... get what we truly want. And for that I am so, so thankful.

What are you thankful for?

*Amour
Katie

Leftovers

"A friend to all is a friend to none". -Socrates

The classic Greek philosopher made a good point. Upon first glance, this statement seems to be a little misguided, but after some thought, it is clear that he was correct. At some point in our lives we have all either been or witnessed the people-pleaser. The people-pleaser is the person who finds the need to make everyone happy, all the time. In theory, this sounds sounds great. Why wouldn't we strive to make everyone in our lives happy? In a perfect world, this would be a trait everyone should aspire to have! Unfortunately, the world we live in is not so perfect (newsflash, right!) and the tendency to constantly people please can be as detrimental to friendships as disloyalty and gossip. The trouble with trying to be friends with everyone, is there is only so much time and emotion to go around. When we spread ourselves to thin in friendships, someone ends up getting the short end of the stick; someone gets the leftovers.Think of this situation in terms of fine dining. First you enjoy the savory appetizer, then you get the warm bread and refreshing salad., next comes the entree that was well worth the wait, and finally dessert. Sometime if there is any food left, someone at home will get what remains; they get the leftovers. There are so only many courses in a meal and there are only so many hours in a day. Don't get me wrong, leftovers can still be tasty! But there is NO way you can compare the experience and taste of a four course meal to reheated cuisine on a plastic plate! When we give people our "leftover" we deprive ourselves and the other person of the precious gift of quality time. The difference between time and quality time is nothing more that the thought, attention and priority it is given. In the same way the dinner is much more memorable and enjoyable than the reheated leftovers, being a friend's priority is much more meaningful than being crammed in between previous engagements. In a world as busy and hectic as ours, I know having arranged, lengthy plans with friends isn't always realistic. But I do believe it is essential to the health of our friendships and relationships, that we identify when we are giving our friends leftovers and examine what is causing us to slack in quality. There are several factors that contribute to the lack of quality in our time; but the one I want to focus on is the need to please.To reiterate what I said earlier, when we try to befriend and please everyone we come in contact with, we inevitably end up missing out on the people who matter most in our lives. Those that we love, value and grow from. If we ever find ourselves playing the role of the habitual people-pleaser, it is important that we ask ourselves WHY we are feeling the need to please. Many of us would say it's because we want to make everyone happy. While this may be true to a certain extent, I would argue that beneath the desire to make everyone happy lies a possibly more powerful desire to not piss people off; a desire to keep the peace so that no one is mad at us! Of course it is okay to want people to be happy with us, but when it hinders relationships with people we truly care about, then it is time to reevaluate our priorities.

I encourage everyone to ask themselves the following questions:

1. Who (or what) is getting the main courses in my dinner? Am I happy with that answer?
-It is important that we understand where most of our quality time and energy is going. This allows us to make changes when they are necessary and continue to grow in our friendships and relationships.

2. Am I giving out a lot of "leftovers"? If so, to whom? Why? Is this OK with me?
-These questions help us identify if we are being that "friend to all...friend to none" Socrates warned about. We all have these struggles, so it is okay; but we owe it to ourselves and the people in our lives to determine who is being put on the back burner that may not deserve it.

3. Am I getting someone else's leftovers? If so, who's?
-The thing about friendships and relationships is that we we often get what we allow. It is essential that we stop and ask ourselves if we are being treated the way we deserve to be treated. If we are not, we must stand up for ourselves. (And of course treat our friends how we want them to treat us!) Note: If you're giving someone your main course, and you're consistently stuck on the couch with their lousy leftovers, it's time for that friend to start dining elsewhere!

Friendships are the basis for any healthy relationships, so it is important that we expect and apply the same principles we value in romantic relationships to our close friendships. When it comes down to it, many of the things we experience in romantic relationships have less to do with romance and more to do with respect and consideration, and isn't that what humanity should be about?

Amour* Katie

PS: To all of you who have ever gotten my leftovers, I'm sorry.

Can you make a mistake, and miss your fate?

Let's talk about fate...
Anytime a topic as subjective as fate comes up, there are bound to be disagreements on it's meaning. For the purpose of this post, fate is generally defined as the predetermined outcome of events and happenings; the inevitable; destiny. I have always believed that there is sort of a natural unfolding to things, that some things are simply "meant to be". Throughout my life, I have found that opportunities and lessons have been brought into my life in the form of people, places, and things (nouns in general), with very little effort on my part! I believe these things happened because in some ways, they were pre-destined. For example: I spent part of this summer in NYC and was so blessed to meet many amazing, inspiring people who were so eager to help me in my move to the city that never sleeps. Fate was on my side, putting me on the exact path that I needed to be in order to make my dreams of moving away from Oklahoma a reality... In the middle of an ordinary semester, at your typical community college, I meet a guy who fits me better than a pair of AG jeans and completely takes my breathe away. It must be meant to be! Once again, fate has risen to the occasion! So am I living in an oh-so-chic apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan?... Nope. Am I enjoying elegant, candle lit dinners with the man of my dreams?... Not exactly.
What happened?!? After so many events where fate came in and saved the day, why I am still left feeling completely diserted by destiny? Well after hours of restlessly contimplating this situation, it hit me! Destiny did it's job, it opened the doors. However, I was not equipped to walk through them! It is as if destiny sent me this beautifully decorated, top of the line ship, and said "Your ship has come in, go get it!". But instead of confidentlly taking my ship out to sea... I stood in silence, because I didn't know how to drive a boat! That's the thing about fate, we get our chances whether we are ready or not. Ready or not, here they come! It's not our job to open the doors; but it IS our job to make sure we are ready to walk through them whenever they do open!
So how can we avoid missing "our ships"? We must be prepared to operate them. Here a few things we can do to make sure we're ready, so when doors open we can confidently walk through them:
1. Define what you want: It's hard to know what to prepare for if you don't know what the ultimate goal is. This step can be as specific as you would like, but it is important that you undertand the general idea and truly want everything you specify. Perhaps your goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship one day. You may even be able to define the characteristics of the mate you want. Write down whatever you know for sure that you want. Dream big but avoid being so picky that the only thing that can ever meet your list is a robot...
Bad example: My goal is to have a PERFECT relationship with a Zac Effron look alike, that likes to talk about his feelings, and loves that I spend to much money on shoes.
Good example: My goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone I am attracted to physically. It is important that they are willing to be open about their feelings and that they appreciate my good sense of fashion ;)
It's ok if what you want seems out of reach. Say your goal is to travel around the world with your best friends. You may not know how that is possible, but if it's what you want, make it your goal anyway.
2. Do what you can to prepare: Fate can (and will) open all sorts of doors for us, whatever we need. But it can't do the day to day things nessacary for following through. If your goal is to move to Australia after college, then you will need money. So do your part to prepare by saving money every month or at least not spending it on frivilous things. If you dream of being in a relationship that is full of love and life; where your mate is everything you have dreamed of, then make sure you are someone the kind of person you dream of would want! It's not our job to hunt down our soul mates, but I do believe it is our job to make sure we are prepared to offer our best when that person comes along (which they will, if that's your desire). So instead of worrying about finding "the one", get busy making sure YOU are the kind of mate you want to be when "the one" comes along.
3. Trust that enough is enough: After we have defined what it is we want and consistently taken the steps we can to prepare ourselves, the only thing left for us to do is patiently wait for the path to roll out before us. Notice I said "roll out before us", not "wait to be catapulted to your destiny". Reaching our destiny, our calling, our full potential, will always require us taking action. But if we can except the idea that fate is on our side, then maybe we can do what we know to do and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with going with the flow.

In a popular episode of Sex and the City, Carrie presented the question, "Can you make a mistake, and miss your fate?". I'm not sure if we will ever know the answer to that deep question. But I think if we can learn to focus our energies on defining what we want, taking the steps to prepare and then trusting that the fate will work on our behalfs, then maybe the idea of "missing our fate", can be a thing of the past.

Amour*
Katie

PS: Just for the record, I don't think you can make a mistake and miss your fate. I think every experiance helps us learn and grow, and the ships that seem to sail away will come right back if they are meant for us... we just have to make sure we are ready to sail them... With that being said, I'll still get to NYC and I'll still get that fairytale. :)

Slow and Steady Wins the Race (Unless you're being chased by sharks)

I think it's interesting that in my last post I wrote, nearly two months ago, I wrote about the importance of change and the diligence true change requires. Today, I am going to be writing about another of my personal headaches... patience. This idea that "patience is a virtue" can be found all over the surface of philosophy. From the biblical passages in proverbs to Aesop's classic tale of the tortoise and the hare, we see that patience is esteemed as a highly valuable trait of humanity. Unfortunately, patience has never been a trait that comes naturally to me. I really admire my friends that are able to "go with the flow" and let things somewhat unfold. However, I've always had this belief that if I don't DO something RIGHT NOW, the situation at hand will NEVER work out. I have applied this belief in several areas of my life, but the one I want to bring up in this post is Romantic Relationships. Does anyone else sense the lack of patience existing in modern romance? Am I the only one who feels like from the minute we graduate high school, the search is on to find "the one", that soul mate, or in many cases, the next "fill-in the blank" relationship, like we are all competing on some crappy reality TV show? (Christine Hassler describes Fill-in the blank relationships as the ones we get into because we are bored, lonely etc.) For awhile now, I have been a contestant on this reality show leading to happily-never-after. I have met guys and rushed into things in every way possible, believing that if it's gonna happen, it needs to happen now and I need to make it happen. Well my friends, I do believe it's time for me to chill out and take a giant serving of patience. After a series of connect the dot moments, I started to finally realize that this habit of rushing is not getting me the result I want (novel idea right! HA). As I begin this process of practicing patience in all areas of life, I would like to point one reason I personally believe developing patience is so difficult:
Patience requires us to temporarily be in a state of not knowing- As human beings, we all have this intrinsic desire to know how, why, what, when and where. The tricky thing about patience is that it does not provide us with these answers... yet. So when we choose to be patient, we must also choose to learn how to sit in this somewhat uncomfortable state. For citizens of a society that is so fast-paced and outcome oriented, learning to adopt the tortoise mentality can be more difficult than sprinting in five inch heels! But if we can learn to incorporate this quality into our daily lives, than the end result will be well worth it. Patience in romantic relationships gives us:
1. Time- Patience gives us to time look at the relationship, person and situation from a a balanced perspective. It gives us time to truly examine our motives. When we begin to "fall-in-love" our body naturally releases a chemical that is similar to the make up of amphetamine! So when we feel high on love, that is an accurate statement! This chemical is released for a period ranging from one week, to one year. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING more amazing than experiencing a love high. The butterflies and giddy smiles can not be replaced by any man made substance! However, if we get so carried away by the butterflies that we forget to look a bit deeper, we could end up going into a relationship with rose-colored lenses. When we rush into things, we increase the risk of making a purely emotional decision; but patience allows us to not only ENJOY THE BUTTERFLIES, but to balance them with true adult logic. The balance of these two things is the only way to lasting romance.
2. Trust- Patience requires that we learn to trust ourselves, our potential mates and God. When we disregard patience we, deprive ourselves of important lessons in trust. It is easy to trust when something is right before our eyes and we have the control, but the real test is being able to let go of the outcome and STILL finding the assurance that the outcome is already taken care of.
I'm not saying that patience is not the golden ticket to happily-ever-after. But I do believe that if we can begin slow down, live in every moment and trust that the outcome is already beautifully written, than perhaps we can stop worrying about what's next and where we're going and finally enjoy the butterflies.

Amour*
Katie

"Only Bad Things Happen Fast"- Lessons in Change

It has been said that the only thing that is constant is change. Of course this is true! Since the beginning of time, our world has participated in the game of change; always competing to be better, grow faster and become stronger. The consistency of change is evident in everything we do, from the clothes we wear to the technology we use, change is inescapable! I am reminded of the place change holds in society every time I look at my ipod (My sister and I call it the Pood, it's more fun to say). When I bought "the Pood" two years age it was the best MP3 one could have! I saved my money for five months to be able to afford the BEST apple had to offer. A mere 730 days later, my poor ipod has been one-upped multiple times, by the same industry that created it! I'm not bitter, I accept that this is how it is, and I've come to terms with that. In fact when my sister bought her new iphone, I silently chuckled because I knew in six months tops, she would be needing to invest in an updated model in order to have the latest and greatest. Most of us would agree that change is inevitable. However, for something that is so CONCRETE, change is also quite the paradox.
Personally, change is swirling around me, even when I would rather it just chill out! At the same time, nothing is more difficult for me to create in my own life than change! For the past two years of my life I have been in a whirlwind of questions. Questions about who I am, what I want and how I get there. Throughout this time of transformation, I have been faced with the biting realization that areas of my life need to CHANGE if I hope to get to where I want to be. Initially, I feel hope with this realization and immediately jump into action, planning all the ways my life will improve. I do things like make workout plans, determine to read more books and watch less tv, join a couple of new organizations and try to spend more time in the present moment. Those things are awesome, and I do them... for a week or two. Then it's back to the old routine. Perminate, positive change and I have a relationship that closely resembles the relationship of Holly Golightly and Paul Varjack in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I realize that I do in fact need change! So I run to him with open arms, ready to embrace all the positive things that only a relationship with him can bring. But after a while, I get restless and my eye begins to wander. "How dare he try to box me in!?", I think in frustration. The annoying thing about change is that he is as demanding as he is constant, expecting boring things like DILIGENCE and PROCESSES... Ugh... Isn't it obvious why a girl like me (and Holly Golightly for that matter) would have such an off and on relationship with change?? My problem is this; I try relentlessly to plan where I'm going and what I'm doing., and for some crazy reason I got the idea that things I want to plob into my lap with little effort or stamina on my part. I spend all my energy on creating lavish plans for my life and when they don't materialize before my eyes I quit, back to the drawing board, just to do the same thing again with a new objective. Well people, after a couple years of aimless ambition, I'm sick of it! Much like Paul won over Ms. Golightly, Change has swept me off my feet. I'm ready to accept his demands of commitment and hard work, because I know in return he promises the life of my dreams, filled with purpose, happiness and definitely a designer handbag!
While I realize not all of us have the same issues to resolve, I think we all have a resistance to change. I do believe change is inevitable, and unfortunately it's often unwanted and inconvenient. However, in some ways it is our benevolent benefactor, providing us with unlimited chances to "get it right". Perhaps, if we could learn to view change as something that works WITH us, we will no longer need to view at as something that just happens TO us. And that, my friends, in the words of Robert Frost, could make all the difference. :)

Amour* Katie

Welcome to the 20's

The past month, make that year, my life has been total chaos. I have been an emotional roller coaster. One day, I'm so excited about where my life is headed and I can't wait to get started in that direction! Someone could hit me with almost anything and I would look on the bright side thinking, "I'm only 21, I have my whole life ahead of me!" Then, the next day, I'm in tears, scared out of my mind, and thinking, "I'm 21, my whole life is over!" The scariest part about it is, when I try to rationalize whats causing the water works, I can't, because in reality, nothing is terribly wrong, but at the same time nothing seems quite right either! For the sake of my sanity, please tell me I'm not alone in this!!!?
From the day we are allowed to watch PG-13 movies, we witness the drama and chaos of adolescence. We see the super sexy quarter back choose the vindictive cheerleader over the shy and sweet book worm and many variations of this teenage nightmare. Then when we get there ourselves we experience what it's like to have our first kiss, our first heart ache and our first indestructible pimple! Pop culture constantly makes light of middle aged adults experiencing their mid-life crisis. My favorite example of this is when Tom Scavo (on Desperate Housewives), enrolls himself in the local University as a Chinese literature major and refers to himself as "T-Scov" for an entire episode! Pop culture loves attempting to guide us through these stages of life, and while that's just great, my question is this: why was I never warned about the stage that comes in between these two extremes... the 20 something years?
The 20-something years are filled with first: first mortgage, first car payment, first adult relationship and first real career. These are all things many of us grew up wanting and even expecting. However, for some reason, now that it's here. It may not feel entirely right either. I have several 20-something friends that have worked hard to get their degrees and establish their careers and now that they have it, the only thing they are asking is, "Now what?". Then there are people like myself who still haven't got it figured out, but I'm very convinced that by the age of 21 I should know where I'm going, I should know my passions and I definitely should have at least published a book! Our twenties are filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I wonder if there will ever be a time in our lives when so much intense excitement meets so much confusion and anxiety. It is as if our 20-something lives are being viewed through some crazy fun house mirror; nothing is as it seems, everything is magnified and distorted. Through this perception, mountains are made from mole hills, lust is mistaken for love and heart aches feel like terminal heart breaks. Personally, my 20's so far have hinged around the one question that is a lot harder to answer than I every expected, Who am I? I don't try to focus on it, it just seems like every situation that presents itself is just the relentless Who am I in disguise. After several attempts to "find myself", I still end up doing and saying things that don't quite seem like me. At first this frustrated me, but after awhile, I began to learn that although I'm still in the process of creating my identity, through the process of elimination, I am at least able to identify who I am NOT. Perhaps life as a 20-something is just a process of trial and error. We are given a journey and a means of transportation. At times, its easier to pull over and stop instead of travel forward into the unknown. It seems safer to sit on the side of the road with our hazard lights on until we figure out precisely how we are going to get to where we want to be. The only draw back with that concept is that life can never consist of a smoothly paved road and an error proof map! It's full of twist and turns and if you live in Oklahoma, certainly a lot of pot-holes! With that being said, maybe the most effective road sign to follow is: Proceed with Caution-the operative word being proceed. We can cautiously guard our hearts and slowly adapt to adulthood, it's ok to have our fear and our uncertainties but it is imperative that we continue to move forward. Just like on any road trip, a parked car goes no where. Our journey through life as a 20-something is no different.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself."
Amour*Katie

PS: Luckily, we are not alone on our journey to "adult-hood". Here a couple of sources that make the ride a little smoother:
1. Twenty Something, Twenty Everything by Christine Hassler is a must read for all twenty something women Her second book Twenty Something Manifesto is a great read for twenty something men and women.
2. It's a Wonderful Lie is a collection of essays written by established writers who have successful navigated through there 20 somethings. (If you feel alone and perhaps slightly crazy, this book will help!)
3. Last One Down the Aisle Wins by Celeste Fox and Shannon Liversidge helps young women realize all the things single life in our twenties is good for.

Smells Like Spring Spirit!

Hello all,

Spring is officially here! Baseball season, flower blossoms, pretty sun dresses and warm starry nights. This season is short and often zooms by without being fully taken in. So with post I would like to invite and encourage everyone to take some time and smell the roses... the daffodils and the tulips. Here are a few of my favorite ways:

• Soak up the sun (with sunscreen!)- In my opinion, there are few things more refreshing than spending an afternoon in the park, with a big blanket, sweet tea and a good friend.
• Forget the T.V and read a good book- This is the perfect compliment to my number one. Eat, Pray, Love is a memoir I personally can not wait to start reading! My favorite Chik Lit author would have to be Emily Giffin, every one of her books are must reads for my fellow Chik Lit lovers. Her new book, The Heart of the Matter, comes out May, 11th.
  

• Get on the move- Spring is the perfect time of year to enjoy outdoor sports and activities because the ground is no long covered in snow and it's still not to hot. So whether you enjoy volleyball, basketball, cycling or just taking walks through your neighborhood, make the most of the beautiful weather.

What do you all like to do in the spring? Let me know! I hope these help! :)

Amour*
Katie

Game On...?

For years, certainly more than I've been around for, women have been complaining about men and the trouble they have with the three C's; commitment, communication and connection. My friends and I are by no means exempt from this wide spread female frustration. We have had countless girl's nights focused on discussions about why the man of the hour can't just commit, why he can't try to communicate better, and why he can't "just cuddle" for once . We all sit around, sipping on our beverage of choice while sympathetically listening to the best friend in need as she vents about how the guy she is dating does frustrating things including (but not limited to!): not calling when he says he will, acting like an unsympathetic douche when she gets emotional, and not calling her his girlfriend when his friends are around. These are the things that drive so many girls crazy in relationships, the things that start the tears and drive us straight to the Ben and Jerry's! I think I speak for a vast number of girls when I say I would rather be caught wearing high water pants and crocs than experience this kind of emotional roller coaster! But here's the catch: That's what I say, but I recently noticed that's not always how I act! If there were two guys "interested" in me, one of them doing exactly what most girls want in theory (calling on time, communicating well on his intention, really caring, putting forth effort etc.) and the other one playing some sort of crazy mind game ("When's he gonna call? Is he gonna call? Does he like her more than me?") I would be drawn to the game player!!!! I am NOT proud to admit this, but I figured I would state it because surely I'm not alone! Seriously, it could be a guy that doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated and honestly isn't even that awesome for me to begin with, but because there is some sort of strategy involved to getting his attention I put on the uniform, learn the plays and get on the field! I say I want a "relationship" and I could give a good description of the guy I "want", but when it comes down to it, those guys I "want" aren't the ones recieving my efforts. So in a very Sex in the City-esque post, I'm going to ask this question, on behalf of myself and all the girls that may find themselves in my shoes. Do we want a relationship or do we just want to play games? Are we really into these guys that we dedicate so much discussion and thought to, or are we just addicted to the drama their mystery provide? I know personally, although completely subconciously, I have been choosing to play the games. Whether it's because I am bored and need some sort of challenge or because I choose guys that I can't have so there is no way I'll be tied down, or something totally out there in Freudian psychology land... I don't know. But I do know this... I'm tired of wasting my time on guys that aren't worth it! I'm tired of trying to justify and analyze the actions of guys whose LACK of actions are saying it loud and clear... they don't want to be with me that bad. I think it's time to give the guys that are willing to put forth the effort to do it right a chance and stop obsessing over the ones that aren't ready for that. With all that said, I still don't know if I want a relationship, but to the guys who call on time and listen like they care: Hang in there. And to the guys who don't: Game over.

Disclaimer: Guys, I realize girls play games as well. We suck at relationships just as much as guys do. I ADMIT IT!!! So please spare me the hate comments on how girls are just as bad as guys and accept this appology from me on behalf of all the girls out there who unintentionally play games... We're sorry.

Spring Cleaning: Update

In a recent post, I wrote about this need I have to simplify my life. I wanted to start spending my time doing things I loved, not just thing I have been told to do. With that in mind I decided to use the remaining two weeks of April to do some Spring Cleaning. I suggested doing things like:spending less money, deleting Facebook and waking up early. After trying to simplify for two weeks, I have realized it's going to be a two steps forward, one step back kind of process. I think I'm ok with that. The first couple of days into this new mind set of living went pretty well! I had my best friend over for homemade fajitas and went two entire days without spending a dime. I went walking and went went to one of my favorite coffee shops almost everyday. After that came the one step back part. I don't know what hit me but I went on a sushi frenzee! Next, thing I know I had accumlated two-hundred plus dollars in over draft fees! Not fun. Very stupid, but I won't be making that mistake again. After an off and on relationship with facebook, I ended it for good. I tried to have it for a couple of days to market my blog, but it became a distraction, so it got the boot. Another thing that got the boot, MY JOB!!!! I put in my two weeks at my very secure yet very corperate job. It's not that corperate is bad, I just realized I wasn't loving it, and for me, part of simplifying is taking the time to slow down and figure out what you love, then do it. My last day is April sixth. That's a little update.
I hope everyone is having a good time trying to simplify. It takes work, but I think it's worth it. Any stories? Updates? Let me know how it's going!

Amour*
Katie

What Do I Want?

Two weeks ago today, someone asked me a very important question. Do you know who you are? Instead of blurting out the most obvious answer, yes, I really thought about what he had asked me. Do I really know who I am? After a lot of thought, I realized I do not.That answer really bothers me! This realization has forced me to action. Lately, my mind has been consistently occupied with the questions, "Who am I and what do I want?". Not what do I want in the selfish sense but in the sense that allows us to discover what impact we want to make on this world while we are here. To be quite honest, I don't really like who I am right now. I've lost myself in the clutter. Like I mentioned in my post Spring Cleaning, I've been so busy trying to stay in this race society has created that I'm neglecting the fact that I'm dehydrated, injured and in need of a pit stop! It sucks! I'm not gonna do it anymore.
So back to the question, Who am I? By now, I have made it clear that I don't really know, but what I do know about who I am, I don't really like. Major bummer. BUT there is a silver lining!! I firmly believe life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself. Example: let's say one day, I wake up and decide, I want to be a cow girl. I could take my high heel wearing, girlie-girl self to drysdales and purchase my first official pair of boots. I could then tell my roomie that I'm through with the city life and trade in my mid-town efficiency for a job and room on a two-hundred acre ranch fifteen miles out of town. I could learn how to herd cattle, farm crops and wake up as early as necessary. I could totally change my current semi-city girl lifestyle to the lifestyle of a true cow girl. At first, this change would feel totally unnatural, but after awhile, with diligent application, I'd be a cowgirl! The moral of the story is we can be whoever we DECIDE to be. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds, because when you literally have the world at your finger tips, where do you start? (I don't say "the world at your finger tips" in exageration, I really believe most of us have way more freedom than we even realize, it's just a matter of whether or not we are willing to make the sacrifices necassary to harness it.) All of these questions can only be answered through a process of elimination and self examination. If you're anything like me, you're not gonna wake up and think, "I wanna be a cowgirl". You're probably going to experiance many realizations of what you DON'T want before you ever begin to dream of what you DO want. I wish I could sum this post up by saying this is who I have decided to be, this is what I want to do and this is how I'm going to get there, but I still don't know. So I thought I would share a few things that are helping me get a bit closer, in the words of people who have been there done that:

"...Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr.Seuss

I wouldn't go as far as to say, those who mind just don't matter, but I certainly think he's onto something! If we hope to make a personal impact on our world than we must be true to our personalized path. We have to get it out of our heads that we always have to play by the rules. We can't buy into the notion that the road to significance is a one-way street. For some, that path may consist of a more traditional route and that's awesome, but if that's not your path, don't sweat it. We pave our own paths, and the sooner we realize that, the better off we'll be.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw

I used this one earlier because I LOVE it and believe it. I'm personally trying to stop thinking I need to "find" myself, as if I'm a pair of lost keys or something. Start where you are, decide what you want to be and go be it!

"Your bliss can't find you if you're to busy doing something else." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

The search for fullfillment and significance is one that is shared by most if not all humans. So many people go through life doing and being things they aren't passionate about, things that aren't their bliss. You may not know your passion (your bliss) just yet, but this is where simplifying comes into play. If you're so busy doing stuff that obviously isn't it, you might just miss it. So as much as possible, try cutting things out of your life that keep you from finding and doing what really makes you glad to be here, whether it's too much alcohol or a lame job that just doesn't fulfill you anymore.

Just some things I'm trying. I hope you'll join me. As far as who I want to be... I'll keep ya posted. :)

Amour*
Katie

Twenty-Something Female Seeks...

No, the title of this post is not the beginning of my personal ad. Although, at this point, it may not hurt! I'm not even talking about dating, I'm talking about finding good girl friends! I never thought that I would be sitting at home, bored out of my mind, wondering who I can go see a good chik flik with. I've never had problems making friends... ever! But without the convenience of prom committee and a college cheerleading team, making good girl friends can be more difficult than predicting Lady Gaga's next clothing ensemble! It's not that I don't have any female friends, I have wonderful female friends that I love to pieces. My best friend, Ashley, I met in college and we have been best friends ever since. My sister, whom I refer to as Lynnard, and I are so close people usually assume there is no way we could be related. And my dear friend Holly, I have been friends with since sixth grade. I love these girls SO much, but we are all so busy living our own lives and living somewhat far apart that at times, I get lonely for a best bud that is in my stage of life: single, ready to take on the world and happy-go-lucky. Is that to much to ask? I don't think so! But how in the heck do you go about getting that said best gal pal? It's bad enough we have to worry about being attractive to the opposite sex, but at least with that we've had years of practice! By now I know (kinda) how the dating game goes: Boy meets girl, boy and girl flirt, girl flips her hair and bats her eyes, boy is charmed and asks her out and they live happily ever after in dating bliss until they get bored or decide to commit. But how do you get a good girl friend!?!?!?! When you meet someone that you think would be an awesome friend, do you say, "Would you like to get some coffee sometime?". That just seems creepy! I'm surely not alone in this. So I'll take one for the team and share a couple of things that I'm at least trying:

1. Make work friends- This seems pretty obvious. Getting to know co-workers outside the office can be fun. WARNING: Take time really building trust. When it comes to work, and competition, secrets aren't always safe.

2. Become a regular- Find a place that makes a good cup of coffee (or burger, smoothie or whatever you like) and go there everytime you get that thing. By doing this you are bound to run into the other regulars and strike up conversation. And you will have something in common, even if it is just a skinny latte.

3. Volunteer- There is possibly no better way to meet like minded people/girl friends than by giving time to something bigger than yourself. With this one, everyone wins. The cause has support and you find people that certainly have the same interest as you. To find some places to start check out Volenteers of America. This is a good place to start.

My hope is that with enough time and effort, I will find the friendships I'm looking for, but until then I'll be happy with my iced breve latte and a good book.

Amour*
Katie

PS: The picture in this this post is of me and the best friends ever. From left: Ashley, Holly, Me, Jenny (Lynnard) and Alexa (Rex). I love these girls!

Spring Cleaning

The first couple days of spring weather have got my mind wrapped around spring cleaning. I'm surprisingly excited about it! Fresh flowers, clean wood floors and soft spring air blowing through my screen door are all welcomed simplicities after such a harsh winter. I have also been thinking about several other things that need to experience some "spring cleaning". For the past six months or so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and there is no sign of stopping. "Why can't I catch a break?", I whine pathetically. Between working a full time job, keeping up with the latest fashion trends, and trying to stay in this race society has created for twenty-somethings, I have completely lost myself! I'm twenty-one years old and I am exhausted. I spend so much time trying to run this crazy rat race that I think I think I'm totally missing it. This "it" I'm referring to includes all of life's little treasures that I so often take for granted: a good cup of coffee at the best coffee shop in town, a long walk on a nice day, a laugh so hard your stomach hurts and the on going process of discovering who I am. But I don't normally see these things. I see quotas that have to be met, fictional TV shows that need to be followed, tweets that need to be responded to and new places to spend money. I'm not saying any of these things are bad, but since when did spending more, sleeping less and stressing out to get to success equal living a happy life!?!? Well for some it may eventually lead to that, but for me, that ain't the way to go! So along with decluttering my closet this spring, I will be decluttering my life. Simplifying, if you will. It's not easy to simplify when the only thing simple about the place I work is the solid black, $400.00, silk chiffon dress for sale, but it must be done. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job, but for an all or nothing gal like me, it's easy to get sucked into the fast paced world of fashion where with enough credit you really can have it all! So I am challenging myself to simplify in every way for the rest of March. Maybe something will stick.
Here's what I'll be changing:

• Cook at home- I don't like cooking. However, it's much cheaper than take-out, it's way healthier and with a couple of good friends, it can't be all bad!
• Spend less money- I don't need a twenty dollar meal at Wild Fork, especially when it causes me to drive my car on empty for two days, just praying to God that it won't run out! I seriously think God is chillin where ever he is, shaking his head and thinking "Girl, you don't need $20.00 pasta, buy some gas!". By the way, double discount is coming up at work this week. My goal is to not buy ANYTHING. It does not matter what a deal it is, if I don't have the money (I don't), it's not a deal.
  
• Early to bed, early to rise- Putting Benjamin Franklin's theory to the test. I'm going to get up early, go to yoga, go for a walk and get my mind set for the day. I want to focus on living more concsiously, I believe this is where I should start.
  
• Less TV!- This has been reduced significantly since I moved, but now it's time to keep it up and replace those hours with better alternatives: reading, writing, and creating.
• Goodbye Facebook!- I did this awhile ago. Next step, start connecting with people on a more quality level. Dinner at my place! :)
• Turn my phone off for at least two hours on Sunday- I did this last week. It's amazing how much can be accomplished when you know the only thing you have to worry about for then is you.
  

I'm going to be blogging about how this March goes. I think it will give me some sort of accountability. I encourage everyone to try this idea of simplicity on some level. For some of you, simplifying may mean logging off of twitter a few minutes earlier and just thinking back on your day. It could mean leaving your phone on silent during dinner with your family. It could even be as simple as literally stopping to smell a rose. Simplifying is about slowing down, appreciating and not allowing ourselves to get so busy we miss it all. So whatever you do, just do it. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. :)

*Amour*
Katie