I think it's interesting that in my last post I wrote, nearly two months ago, I wrote about the importance of change and the diligence true change requires. Today, I am going to be writing about another of my personal headaches... patience. This idea that "patience is a virtue" can be found all over the surface of philosophy. From the biblical passages in proverbs to Aesop's classic tale of the tortoise and the hare, we see that patience is esteemed as a highly valuable trait of humanity. Unfortunately, patience has never been a trait that comes naturally to me. I really admire my friends that are able to "go with the flow" and let things somewhat unfold. However, I've always had this belief that if I don't DO something RIGHT NOW, the situation at hand will NEVER work out. I have applied this belief in several areas of my life, but the one I want to bring up in this post is Romantic Relationships. Does anyone else sense the lack of patience existing in modern romance? Am I the only one who feels like from the minute we graduate high school, the search is on to find "the one", that soul mate, or in many cases, the next "fill-in the blank" relationship, like we are all competing on some crappy reality TV show? (Christine Hassler describes Fill-in the blank relationships as the ones we get into because we are bored, lonely etc.) For awhile now, I have been a contestant on this reality show leading to happily-never-after. I have met guys and rushed into things in every way possible, believing that if it's gonna happen, it needs to happen now and I need to make it happen. Well my friends, I do believe it's time for me to chill out and take a giant serving of patience. After a series of connect the dot moments, I started to finally realize that this habit of rushing is not getting me the result I want (novel idea right! HA). As I begin this process of practicing patience in all areas of life, I would like to point one reason I personally believe developing patience is so difficult:
Patience requires us to temporarily be in a state of not knowing- As human beings, we all have this intrinsic desire to know how, why, what, when and where. The tricky thing about patience is that it does not provide us with these answers... yet. So when we choose to be patient, we must also choose to learn how to sit in this somewhat uncomfortable state. For citizens of a society that is so fast-paced and outcome oriented, learning to adopt the tortoise mentality can be more difficult than sprinting in five inch heels! But if we can learn to incorporate this quality into our daily lives, than the end result will be well worth it. Patience in romantic relationships gives us:
1. Time- Patience gives us to time look at the relationship, person and situation from a a balanced perspective. It gives us time to truly examine our motives. When we begin to "fall-in-love" our body naturally releases a chemical that is similar to the make up of amphetamine! So when we feel high on love, that is an accurate statement! This chemical is released for a period ranging from one week, to one year. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING more amazing than experiencing a love high. The butterflies and giddy smiles can not be replaced by any man made substance! However, if we get so carried away by the butterflies that we forget to look a bit deeper, we could end up going into a relationship with rose-colored lenses. When we rush into things, we increase the risk of making a purely emotional decision; but patience allows us to not only ENJOY THE BUTTERFLIES, but to balance them with true adult logic. The balance of these two things is the only way to lasting romance.
2. Trust- Patience requires that we learn to trust ourselves, our potential mates and God. When we disregard patience we, deprive ourselves of important lessons in trust. It is easy to trust when something is right before our eyes and we have the control, but the real test is being able to let go of the outcome and STILL finding the assurance that the outcome is already taken care of.
I'm not saying that patience is not the golden ticket to happily-ever-after. But I do believe that if we can begin slow down, live in every moment and trust that the outcome is already beautifully written, than perhaps we can stop worrying about what's next and where we're going and finally enjoy the butterflies.
Amour*
Katie
Omg, I completely agree and can relate to what you are saying. It is so beautifully stated, and truly gives you a real perspective on this very hard lesson to learn. I'm so glad that you discovered the importance of it, and even more so discovered that it needs to be in a romantic relationship or like you said "rose-colored lenses" will be what you are seeing through. By no means, does this negate the fact that relationships can be hastily made and even last for a lifetime, but how much more special, poignant, intimate, even poetic it is to have that without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt feeling that I waited so long for you, I know everything about you thus far, and want to keep learning about you type of long, enduring relationship!
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