What Do I Want?

Two weeks ago today, someone asked me a very important question. Do you know who you are? Instead of blurting out the most obvious answer, yes, I really thought about what he had asked me. Do I really know who I am? After a lot of thought, I realized I do not.That answer really bothers me! This realization has forced me to action. Lately, my mind has been consistently occupied with the questions, "Who am I and what do I want?". Not what do I want in the selfish sense but in the sense that allows us to discover what impact we want to make on this world while we are here. To be quite honest, I don't really like who I am right now. I've lost myself in the clutter. Like I mentioned in my post Spring Cleaning, I've been so busy trying to stay in this race society has created that I'm neglecting the fact that I'm dehydrated, injured and in need of a pit stop! It sucks! I'm not gonna do it anymore.
So back to the question, Who am I? By now, I have made it clear that I don't really know, but what I do know about who I am, I don't really like. Major bummer. BUT there is a silver lining!! I firmly believe life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself. Example: let's say one day, I wake up and decide, I want to be a cow girl. I could take my high heel wearing, girlie-girl self to drysdales and purchase my first official pair of boots. I could then tell my roomie that I'm through with the city life and trade in my mid-town efficiency for a job and room on a two-hundred acre ranch fifteen miles out of town. I could learn how to herd cattle, farm crops and wake up as early as necessary. I could totally change my current semi-city girl lifestyle to the lifestyle of a true cow girl. At first, this change would feel totally unnatural, but after awhile, with diligent application, I'd be a cowgirl! The moral of the story is we can be whoever we DECIDE to be. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds, because when you literally have the world at your finger tips, where do you start? (I don't say "the world at your finger tips" in exageration, I really believe most of us have way more freedom than we even realize, it's just a matter of whether or not we are willing to make the sacrifices necassary to harness it.) All of these questions can only be answered through a process of elimination and self examination. If you're anything like me, you're not gonna wake up and think, "I wanna be a cowgirl". You're probably going to experiance many realizations of what you DON'T want before you ever begin to dream of what you DO want. I wish I could sum this post up by saying this is who I have decided to be, this is what I want to do and this is how I'm going to get there, but I still don't know. So I thought I would share a few things that are helping me get a bit closer, in the words of people who have been there done that:

"...Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr.Seuss

I wouldn't go as far as to say, those who mind just don't matter, but I certainly think he's onto something! If we hope to make a personal impact on our world than we must be true to our personalized path. We have to get it out of our heads that we always have to play by the rules. We can't buy into the notion that the road to significance is a one-way street. For some, that path may consist of a more traditional route and that's awesome, but if that's not your path, don't sweat it. We pave our own paths, and the sooner we realize that, the better off we'll be.

"Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw

I used this one earlier because I LOVE it and believe it. I'm personally trying to stop thinking I need to "find" myself, as if I'm a pair of lost keys or something. Start where you are, decide what you want to be and go be it!

"Your bliss can't find you if you're to busy doing something else." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

The search for fullfillment and significance is one that is shared by most if not all humans. So many people go through life doing and being things they aren't passionate about, things that aren't their bliss. You may not know your passion (your bliss) just yet, but this is where simplifying comes into play. If you're so busy doing stuff that obviously isn't it, you might just miss it. So as much as possible, try cutting things out of your life that keep you from finding and doing what really makes you glad to be here, whether it's too much alcohol or a lame job that just doesn't fulfill you anymore.

Just some things I'm trying. I hope you'll join me. As far as who I want to be... I'll keep ya posted. :)

Amour*
Katie

Twenty-Something Female Seeks...

No, the title of this post is not the beginning of my personal ad. Although, at this point, it may not hurt! I'm not even talking about dating, I'm talking about finding good girl friends! I never thought that I would be sitting at home, bored out of my mind, wondering who I can go see a good chik flik with. I've never had problems making friends... ever! But without the convenience of prom committee and a college cheerleading team, making good girl friends can be more difficult than predicting Lady Gaga's next clothing ensemble! It's not that I don't have any female friends, I have wonderful female friends that I love to pieces. My best friend, Ashley, I met in college and we have been best friends ever since. My sister, whom I refer to as Lynnard, and I are so close people usually assume there is no way we could be related. And my dear friend Holly, I have been friends with since sixth grade. I love these girls SO much, but we are all so busy living our own lives and living somewhat far apart that at times, I get lonely for a best bud that is in my stage of life: single, ready to take on the world and happy-go-lucky. Is that to much to ask? I don't think so! But how in the heck do you go about getting that said best gal pal? It's bad enough we have to worry about being attractive to the opposite sex, but at least with that we've had years of practice! By now I know (kinda) how the dating game goes: Boy meets girl, boy and girl flirt, girl flips her hair and bats her eyes, boy is charmed and asks her out and they live happily ever after in dating bliss until they get bored or decide to commit. But how do you get a good girl friend!?!?!?! When you meet someone that you think would be an awesome friend, do you say, "Would you like to get some coffee sometime?". That just seems creepy! I'm surely not alone in this. So I'll take one for the team and share a couple of things that I'm at least trying:

1. Make work friends- This seems pretty obvious. Getting to know co-workers outside the office can be fun. WARNING: Take time really building trust. When it comes to work, and competition, secrets aren't always safe.

2. Become a regular- Find a place that makes a good cup of coffee (or burger, smoothie or whatever you like) and go there everytime you get that thing. By doing this you are bound to run into the other regulars and strike up conversation. And you will have something in common, even if it is just a skinny latte.

3. Volunteer- There is possibly no better way to meet like minded people/girl friends than by giving time to something bigger than yourself. With this one, everyone wins. The cause has support and you find people that certainly have the same interest as you. To find some places to start check out Volenteers of America. This is a good place to start.

My hope is that with enough time and effort, I will find the friendships I'm looking for, but until then I'll be happy with my iced breve latte and a good book.

Amour*
Katie

PS: The picture in this this post is of me and the best friends ever. From left: Ashley, Holly, Me, Jenny (Lynnard) and Alexa (Rex). I love these girls!

Spring Cleaning

The first couple days of spring weather have got my mind wrapped around spring cleaning. I'm surprisingly excited about it! Fresh flowers, clean wood floors and soft spring air blowing through my screen door are all welcomed simplicities after such a harsh winter. I have also been thinking about several other things that need to experience some "spring cleaning". For the past six months or so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and there is no sign of stopping. "Why can't I catch a break?", I whine pathetically. Between working a full time job, keeping up with the latest fashion trends, and trying to stay in this race society has created for twenty-somethings, I have completely lost myself! I'm twenty-one years old and I am exhausted. I spend so much time trying to run this crazy rat race that I think I think I'm totally missing it. This "it" I'm referring to includes all of life's little treasures that I so often take for granted: a good cup of coffee at the best coffee shop in town, a long walk on a nice day, a laugh so hard your stomach hurts and the on going process of discovering who I am. But I don't normally see these things. I see quotas that have to be met, fictional TV shows that need to be followed, tweets that need to be responded to and new places to spend money. I'm not saying any of these things are bad, but since when did spending more, sleeping less and stressing out to get to success equal living a happy life!?!? Well for some it may eventually lead to that, but for me, that ain't the way to go! So along with decluttering my closet this spring, I will be decluttering my life. Simplifying, if you will. It's not easy to simplify when the only thing simple about the place I work is the solid black, $400.00, silk chiffon dress for sale, but it must be done. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job, but for an all or nothing gal like me, it's easy to get sucked into the fast paced world of fashion where with enough credit you really can have it all! So I am challenging myself to simplify in every way for the rest of March. Maybe something will stick.
Here's what I'll be changing:

• Cook at home- I don't like cooking. However, it's much cheaper than take-out, it's way healthier and with a couple of good friends, it can't be all bad!
• Spend less money- I don't need a twenty dollar meal at Wild Fork, especially when it causes me to drive my car on empty for two days, just praying to God that it won't run out! I seriously think God is chillin where ever he is, shaking his head and thinking "Girl, you don't need $20.00 pasta, buy some gas!". By the way, double discount is coming up at work this week. My goal is to not buy ANYTHING. It does not matter what a deal it is, if I don't have the money (I don't), it's not a deal.
  
• Early to bed, early to rise- Putting Benjamin Franklin's theory to the test. I'm going to get up early, go to yoga, go for a walk and get my mind set for the day. I want to focus on living more concsiously, I believe this is where I should start.
  
• Less TV!- This has been reduced significantly since I moved, but now it's time to keep it up and replace those hours with better alternatives: reading, writing, and creating.
• Goodbye Facebook!- I did this awhile ago. Next step, start connecting with people on a more quality level. Dinner at my place! :)
• Turn my phone off for at least two hours on Sunday- I did this last week. It's amazing how much can be accomplished when you know the only thing you have to worry about for then is you.
  

I'm going to be blogging about how this March goes. I think it will give me some sort of accountability. I encourage everyone to try this idea of simplicity on some level. For some of you, simplifying may mean logging off of twitter a few minutes earlier and just thinking back on your day. It could mean leaving your phone on silent during dinner with your family. It could even be as simple as literally stopping to smell a rose. Simplifying is about slowing down, appreciating and not allowing ourselves to get so busy we miss it all. So whatever you do, just do it. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. :)

*Amour*
Katie