Let's talk about fate...
Anytime a topic as subjective as fate comes up, there are bound to be disagreements on it's meaning. For the purpose of this post, fate is generally defined as the predetermined outcome of events and happenings; the inevitable; destiny. I have always believed that there is sort of a natural unfolding to things, that some things are simply "meant to be". Throughout my life, I have found that opportunities and lessons have been brought into my life in the form of people, places, and things (nouns in general), with very little effort on my part! I believe these things happened because in some ways, they were pre-destined. For example: I spent part of this summer in NYC and was so blessed to meet many amazing, inspiring people who were so eager to help me in my move to the city that never sleeps. Fate was on my side, putting me on the exact path that I needed to be in order to make my dreams of moving away from Oklahoma a reality... In the middle of an ordinary semester, at your typical community college, I meet a guy who fits me better than a pair of AG jeans and completely takes my breathe away. It must be meant to be! Once again, fate has risen to the occasion! So am I living in an oh-so-chic apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan?... Nope. Am I enjoying elegant, candle lit dinners with the man of my dreams?... Not exactly.
What happened?!? After so many events where fate came in and saved the day, why I am still left feeling completely diserted by destiny? Well after hours of restlessly contimplating this situation, it hit me! Destiny did it's job, it opened the doors. However, I was not equipped to walk through them! It is as if destiny sent me this beautifully decorated, top of the line ship, and said "Your ship has come in, go get it!". But instead of confidentlly taking my ship out to sea... I stood in silence, because I didn't know how to drive a boat! That's the thing about fate, we get our chances whether we are ready or not. Ready or not, here they come! It's not our job to open the doors; but it IS our job to make sure we are ready to walk through them whenever they do open!
So how can we avoid missing "our ships"? We must be prepared to operate them. Here a few things we can do to make sure we're ready, so when doors open we can confidently walk through them:
1. Define what you want: It's hard to know what to prepare for if you don't know what the ultimate goal is. This step can be as specific as you would like, but it is important that you undertand the general idea and truly want everything you specify. Perhaps your goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship one day. You may even be able to define the characteristics of the mate you want. Write down whatever you know for sure that you want. Dream big but avoid being so picky that the only thing that can ever meet your list is a robot...
Bad example: My goal is to have a PERFECT relationship with a Zac Effron look alike, that likes to talk about his feelings, and loves that I spend to much money on shoes.
Good example: My goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone I am attracted to physically. It is important that they are willing to be open about their feelings and that they appreciate my good sense of fashion ;)
It's ok if what you want seems out of reach. Say your goal is to travel around the world with your best friends. You may not know how that is possible, but if it's what you want, make it your goal anyway.
2. Do what you can to prepare: Fate can (and will) open all sorts of doors for us, whatever we need. But it can't do the day to day things nessacary for following through. If your goal is to move to Australia after college, then you will need money. So do your part to prepare by saving money every month or at least not spending it on frivilous things. If you dream of being in a relationship that is full of love and life; where your mate is everything you have dreamed of, then make sure you are someone the kind of person you dream of would want! It's not our job to hunt down our soul mates, but I do believe it is our job to make sure we are prepared to offer our best when that person comes along (which they will, if that's your desire). So instead of worrying about finding "the one", get busy making sure YOU are the kind of mate you want to be when "the one" comes along.
3. Trust that enough is enough: After we have defined what it is we want and consistently taken the steps we can to prepare ourselves, the only thing left for us to do is patiently wait for the path to roll out before us. Notice I said "roll out before us", not "wait to be catapulted to your destiny". Reaching our destiny, our calling, our full potential, will always require us taking action. But if we can except the idea that fate is on our side, then maybe we can do what we know to do and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with going with the flow.
In a popular episode of Sex and the City, Carrie presented the question, "Can you make a mistake, and miss your fate?". I'm not sure if we will ever know the answer to that deep question. But I think if we can learn to focus our energies on defining what we want, taking the steps to prepare and then trusting that the fate will work on our behalfs, then maybe the idea of "missing our fate", can be a thing of the past.
Amour*
Katie
PS: Just for the record, I don't think you can make a mistake and miss your fate. I think every experiance helps us learn and grow, and the ships that seem to sail away will come right back if they are meant for us... we just have to make sure we are ready to sail them... With that being said, I'll still get to NYC and I'll still get that fairytale. :)
